The first route we tried to adopt through was the Georgia Foster Care System. This was the most inexpensive route but didn’t seem to fit for this time in our life.  I say that specifically because I don’t think that door is shut. I wouldn’t mind eventually being foster parents. I think being foster parents is very scriptural and God continues to ask us to take care of the least of His AND when we do take care of the least of His we are taking care of Him: ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.’ Matthew 25:31-46. Isn’t that amazing? I love that verse SO much.

When you get involved with the foster care system there are three options: adoption, fostering to adopt and strictly fostering where you would temporarily bring children in your home until their families got back on their feet.

We went into the system hoping to foster to adopt.  We would bring children into our home until a child’s parents terminated their rights. We didn’t think the state looked favorably at this choice. Ideally Georgia wants to see the parents get back on their feet. Ideally that is what I would like to see as well but we do not live in an ideal world. I will not share much of my opinion here – but feel free to ask us both how we feel about adoption through the state of Georgia. In order to do anything within the Cherokee County Foster Care system we had to take an orientation class, a series of other classes and complete a home study.

We completed our orientation class and started taking the necessary classes. We took these classes through a private agency.  Many private agencies have state approved classes so you don’t have to wait for your county to offer the classes which would have been months for us. We did our classes through a private agency which I will not mention here but I am not sure what this private agency does or if they do it with integrity.  Our first meeting with them was at their office in downtown Atlanta. They were unsure of many things and gave us a lot of incorrect information. As we left their office we were thankful for the resources that were available to us. I will not offer a lot of advice, but my one piece of advice is do your research and find resources before you dive in.  This agency was giving out a lot of incorrect information. So boo to them.

We began attending classes in Gwinnett County about an hour from our house. We decided to knock it out in two weekends so that meant I had to sit still for a VERY long time – not a gift of mine. One of our exercises in this class was to “draw our child.”  Me being the simpleton I am, I drew a happy child. Greg drew Marvel Comic’s superhero, Wolverine. Come on, he is a defender with his HANDS! Both of us got nasty looks from the supervisor of the class.  We learned statistics – way to cope with children – ways to deal with our feelings – and the amount of time it takes for me to get antsy which is about 29 minutes. Greg had to take me out for runs after those classes.  I can guarantee you that Cherokee County’s classes were taught with more compassion than these classes.  These classes through this private agency offered a lot of generalization and stereotypes that we did not appreciate.  As I think back on that class I still get pretty angry about the things the instructor talked about and some exercises that were led and they definitely not worth mentioning. But I digress on that.

After those classes we both felt this was not the right way for us at the time. We were ready to start a family and I don’t know if I could have emotionally handled bringing children into our home and wait for their parents to get back on their feet.  It is absolutely the right thing to do if you are foster parents but emotionally that is not something I could do at the time. Adopting through the foster care system is an amazing thing to do despite all the hoops you have to jump through AND I have heard amazing stories through this system so please don’t think I am discounting this route. I hope we can explore that road again one day but we just didn’t feel right about that road at that time.

We are not experts at the Georgia Foster Care. I hope this does not deter you from such a wonderful system – I know I continue to say that and I say that because I PASSIONATELY believe that. This is what we experienced. We met many people who were extremely passionate about adoption, fostering, and people in general. We met a few who were bitter and had been hurt by the system as well. Maybe you find those two different people on every road you take – especially anything having to do with the government.

After taking these classes we decided that we would look into a private adoption agency next after talking with some other friends. I’ll explain a little bit about that later.

* Please remember I am not an expert on adoption or the foster care system – I just wanted to share our route through adoption. If you have any questions or would like me to clarify feel free to ask. 

In my last post I wrote about why we decided to adopt.  I wanted to share a little bit about why we decided on using Faithful Adoption Consultants instead of another route.  The journey has been crazy, funny, sad, weird and exciting AND it isn’t over yet. Greg and I have quite a sense of humor so I hope I can share a little bit about this strange and wonderful little journey with humor.  I hope you can laugh with us as well as shake your head at this weird little process.  Over the next few days I will share the different avenues we tried. It may be too long to describe in one post so I hope you will continue to follow us.

We have a received a lot of questions so I hope this will help others who are considering adoption as well as those who are just curious. Finding the correct avenue is what has been the hardest part of the journey and I hope I can shed some light on an otherwise ill-lit path. Our journey to adoption and learning the “process” has been like trying to figure out a complicated maze without a map. We see a child at the end of the journey but no right way to get there.  There were many days we wanted to throw our hands in the air but we just continued to believe that this is what we were supposed to be doing.  There were many days of uncontrollable frustration. We knew children were hurting and needed a family and to be honest we needed and wanted a little family so bad but the route was just so difficult. I wish I could communicate the frustration – the only word that comes to mind is trapped. There was nothing we could do about these children even though we wanted to.

I don’t want share this part of the journey as if this is the “correct” way to go but to show the different avenues available.  Adoption is expensive, emotionally exhausting and frustrating BUT it is amazing. It is an amazing way to build a family and something that is mentioned in scripture whether you can conceive or not. It is not a “season of life” thing it is a thing that we are asked to do. I hope you will not write it off because it is difficult, nothing worth having is easy…NOTHING.

The routes we found available to us for adoption were the Georgia foster care system, international, a private agency and a referral agency. We have chosen a referral agency called Faithful Adoption Consultants.  We spent a good bit of time looking into the Georgia Foster Care System, a private agency and finally the referral agency.

Again we don’t say this to push (we’re not pushers) our route but to share this journey. And answer any questions that are out there.

In my next post I will talk about our route through the Georgia Foster Care System. This was one of the most interesting routes. And could be a wonderful route for people but definitely not the right route for us especially for the place in life we were in. We have heard amazing stories through this route and I firmly believe that God will meet you at whatever route you take. So join us for the long haul. Pray for us! Join in on the fun raffle on Facebook if you want.

I am sure many people wonder why we are adopting. It seems that whenever the topic of adoption comes up, fertility always seems to be right behind it.

For us, pregnancy has been a bit harder than expected and without going into too much detail there has been heartbreak. If you want to know the  details of pregnancy and loss just ask us. It has been a loss like we could have never imagined. We are open and appreciate an open dialogue. Heck, we even understand if you fumble and don’t know what to say. I get that. I don’t even know what to say sometimes. Everyone handles grief differently. BUT this blog is not about that it is about CELEBRATION about what God has asked His followers to do.

With that in mind, we think it is important to let you know, that for us, this baby is not a second choice. We are SO lucky/blessed/honored we get to build a family this way.  We are lucky that God has asked us to walk this journey. He  has chosen us to be parents to an unconventional family. Let me say that again: we are SO lucky we get to build a family this way and thank God every day that we are on this journey. We are thankful that our family will look a lot like God’s family.

I hope you will join us and our blessing. I hope you will honor your own friends and family who have adopted or who are adopted and acknowledge that adoption is a gift from God just like pregnancy is. It is not what we are “called” to do but what we are instructed to do time and time again in scripture.  And by “we”, I don’t mean Greg and I. By “we” , I mean those of us who call ourselves Christians and are thus children of God who have been adopted into His family.

I ask that you think and pray about how your family will get involved in adoption because He will not say no to your request.

“As someone who calls themself a Christian it’s very apparent that you are to love the Lord your God with all your heart and love your neighbor as yourself.  And Myself doesn’t want to be starving and I don’t want other people in the world to be starving. Jesus does not ask that we care for the less fortunate. He demands it.” -Katie Davis, video about her book Kisses from Katie.

We are having another garage sale on Saturday. Pray for nice weather. Pray for God to continue to provide. Pray for my sanity…can I say that again?  Pray for my sanity.  I struggle daily that this isn’t happening fast enough. We are ready to bring our baby home and for Poop-eye to be a big sister Yea I am that person with a dog…don’t judge – look at her in the cone of shame and her bad eyes.

Join us in prayer. Join us on Saturday! We will have coffee and be laughing at the wonderful donations we have and hopefully getting to know our neighbors.

If you haven’t had a garage sale before it is a WONDERFUL chance to meet your neighbors.  Last week we had some neighbor kids go through all our stuff – they LOVE everything we had.  It was such a great opportunity to get to know more of our neighbors.

BTW – I am watching the Biggest Loser right now and eating a cupcake. What’s happening in my life?

Our fingerprints are officially in the FBI database. Fingerprints are processed and on their way home!   HOORAY! And I have the preliminary home study in my inbox. DOUBLE HOORAY! This piece of documentation is the last piece to the craziness that is our home study.  So I will celebrate.  I feel like I am through the first trimester…is that weird?  It’s taken less than 3 months and there has been no nausea and I think I may have even lost weight during this time because of the stress but there has been struggle trying to collect every piece of documentation that proves that we have existed and done good in this country. So there. I have been through a first trimester in pregnancy before so I know they are much different but it is our first big hurtle (and I say first lightly because it has been a long, long road) to get through in this adoption and boy has it been work. We are thankful that we get to go through this process.

Fingers crossed and voices to heaven that the FBI fingerprints leave the Pentagon on time and nothing gets confused in the mailing process.  I actually have no clue if it is in the Pentagon but I like to think we are that official that we have to go there. And I called the FBI. The people from Criminal Minds were not available and I let them know that maybe they should be looking out for a serial killer in Miami named Dexter but they were not interested. I digress. Stupid television shows.

Our next step is applying for grants, loans, scholarships, or go on the streets and beg for money, which I am not above. We have talked to our adoption referral friend/lady/answerer of many questions and she said that once we have the money things will move very quickly – like weeks quickly…. The amount of money is pretty unbelievable but we serve an amazing God and I know He doesn’t even blink at that money. In one weekend we raised/sold/saved 25%. That is pretty unbelievable.

So if you have stumbled on this website I ask that you join us in prayer.  Things never come easy to us Sykes so I don’t have any expectations about money just appearing but we also don’t dismiss it but we ask that we can earn or raise this money in a way that will bring the most glory to him.  The other night while out to dinner with friends Greg said something that just made me proud to be his wife.

“I would love to see this big sweeping God moment where He just drops some huge amount in our laps, but also it would be special if our community dug deep and did it using a lot of people giving a little so that they could all feel like they were a part of it and that they are invested in it. When we explain to our child the circumstances of their adoption, it will be so much more meaningful to them to know how many members of our community fought to get him/her here.” Mr. Greg Sykes

I don’t say this to deter any of our loved ones to, you know, write a $25,000 check but just to say that we love our community and know our kiddo will love them as well and can’t wait to share with our child that not only were we anxiously awaiting his/her arrival but so were a few other folks.  Please pray for us as we apply for grants, save money and ask for donations. This is humbling but I know this is where we are supposed to be right now. We are ready to have a family. I don’t know if it is wrong to ask for this to move quickly but I really want this to move quickly.

Today was our first attempt at raising money to bring our baby home and boy do we feel like God just brought His holiness to our driveway.  We found out last week that our neighborhood was having a garage sale and decided to ask our friends and family for donations to raise money for this adoption. This week we drove from Atlanta to Hall County and every where in between to pick up donations. Every night this week we were in a different area and when we arrived home had our truck completely full and our driveway completely full of things people would drop off while we were gone. I think I have cried every night this week because I am amazed that our friends still like us and want to be a part of this crazy process. I am undeserving.

Last night some amazing ladies came and helped me sort and price.  Today friends stopped by to cheer us on and see the craziness. One special lady came over last night and stayed through the pricing, organizing and the entire day today and helped us scoot things back into the garage (that’s right I said BACK into the garage)…AND BROUGHT CAKE. Other friends drove to Kennesaw to pick up donations for us and dropped it off at our house late Friday night. Others drove to our house to drop stuff off before and after work.  I am undeserving.

So thank you. Thank you for those who donated. Thank you for those who showed up. Thank you for those who thought of us today and were cheering us on at home. Just thank you. I am undeserving. We are undeserving and are so thankful that we get to share this with you. Thank you for joining us as we build this family. Thank you for being family.  #TEAMBABYSYKES

Our first real stab at raising money to fund our adoption is upon us. We are having a yard sale.

We knew we would do this eventually but we didn’t think we would be doing quite so soon. We would have liked to have more time to really be thorough and set things up like to our liking. We would have liked to have taken weeks to gather items and promote the yard sale but it does’t look like that’s going to happen.

I think this is a blessing in disguise though. You see, the community we live in is hosting a community wide yard sale. This is fantastic news. I’m sure you’ve seen these things before. You drive into the neighborhood and immediately you are struck with all the people who are have flooded the neighborhood. This is great news because our neighborhood will see MUCH BETTER yard sale traffic than we would have seen if we were just doing this all on our own.

And maybe the super quick deadline is also creating a sense of urgency in us to get items. As soon as we heard about this yard sale, we asked our friends via social media if they had anything they were trying to get rid and asked if they would donate those items to us to raise money for our adoption. Our community has turned out in full force. I am overwhelmed with the sudden outpouring of love and support from our friends. In the first weekend of us planning the garage sale we overloaded our truck twice with stuff our friends have donated. We have trips planned every evening of this week to go pick up more stuff. We have at least four more families who have offered us stuff and will be bringing it by our house themselves. This Friday, the day before the garage sale, Jess is having one of her best friends come over and help sort and price everything.

We’ve also had a whole slew of big-ticket items being donated that we will be posting on craigslist or eBay because we think we can get more money out of the items that way.

The good news is that all of this could create for a ridiculously successful event. The product is there to be sold. Or it could be a complete flop and we could have wasted dozens of hours and gallons of gas to get stuff that we will end up taking to Goodwill anyways.

I’m hoping for the best.

“I think you should blog about everything that’s going on with us. About fertility, and adoption. There just aren’t any men talking about this stuff.” -Jess

It’s true and I’m really no different than any other guy. I fish, I watch sports and I play the occasional video game. I drink beer and eat meat. I work, I drive a pickup truck and I fix my own house. Okay, I’ll stop there before I risk sounding like a Toby Keith song. But like most men, I also don’t spend a whole lot of time talking about emotional things or even “real life” (why do you think we like sports and video games, it’s how we get out of “real life”).

While it may be an offensive generality, men aren’t wired the same way women are. When women learn that other women are pregnant it is usually followed by various high pitched sounds and hours of conversation. When a man learns this news it’s generally followed with a handshake, a “congratulations”, and a plumbing joke. We don’t dwell on it or fixate on it. Our “congratulations” is genuine and we know it. That would never fly amongst ladies. I have never once seen a guy throw another guy a baby shower. Somewhere in all of this might be the answer to why we don’t blog, or read blogs, about this stuff.

That “man-ness” that keeps me from talking about these things is the same “man-ness” that makes me want to fix things. I think that this lack of communication and lack of demographic record is something that needs to be fixed. It does no one any good to sweep things under the rug as we are prone to do, nor does it do any good to pretend like we don’t have an opinion on these things. We do. We have lots of opinions. We have many great thoughts (and many stupid ones for that matter) that we choose to ignore because it may stir up a little bit of temporary animosity between us and our spouses or families, or it may expose that one great weakness… the weakness of exposing that we a weakness.

So I have decided that I’ll try. I can’t fix anybody nor can I fix the shortcomings of an entire gender but I can fix me. I can fix my reluctance to share and my propensity to sweep my own thoughts and emotions under the rug. More importantly, I can reveal to anyone who cares to hear about it, that I to am weak.

So, starting today, it’s all coming out. I’m recording my thoughts, my ideas, my opinions and my general take on these issues and any other issue that I feel inclined to. It could get interesting. It could just be boring. But this man’s heart will be revealed when it comes to adoption and general family issues. I certainly don’t mean to speak for all men. I am just one of millions but perhaps there is a single grain that some, if not all men can relate to.